Antim Sanskar!!!

Today I feel extremely satisfied  because I have liberated my soul yesterday, from this sorrowful, & defiled life and body of mine. A body full of pain, a mind full of sorrow, a life which is not worthy of living any more, all my goals in life seems so small today..

After a long thought, I took this decision that I need to liberate my soul, why should it be punished? So yesterday, I went to a priest at kalighat, (Calcutta) and requested him to perform the “antim sanskar” which where usually performed when a person dies… He agreed and asked about the deceased and my relation with the deceased.. On this I replied that I want to perform my antim sanskar, though it seems that an alive but am not eternally.

He immediately refused on the ground that it’s against the religious rules, and principles and he cannot proceed with this.. He was persuading me that antim sanskar is performed only for those who are dead. Then after a small and healthy conversation on the definition of death , I manage to convince that am nothing less than a dead body… It’s only a pound of flesh, in the left side of my chest cavity, which is still working….

I requested him folding my hands before him, on to my knees, with tears in my eyes, and even I promised to pay more… Finally he agreed…. After all every thing has a value except true love..

For around 5 hours the rituals were continued. I followed each and every instructions very carefully.

Today, in the morning, I asked myself that, whether my soul is at peace? Yes that I am starting my day with my tears around my cheeks, yes am still alone in my house… but am satisfied somewhere inside…

This attitude of mine towards life was not acceptable to my parents for obvious reasons, but they never took interest to know the reason behind this.. Slowly a gap was developed between me & my family and they decided not to talk…. This I considered as the last nail to my coffin…

But I have no complaints, no regrets except the fact that, life could have been better than this.. I know that I should have accept the truth instead of moving away from it…. But am not a coward, I am doing this because I am left with so much of memories and love for her that I opted for this path…

Hopefully the next time would be mine.
God bless my soul wherever you are; you will be missed!!

Thank you…


5 thoughts on “Antim Sanskar!!!

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  1. I am a nobody to tell you this but love teaches to live.. to love unconditionally.. to be patient and determined.. please stop hurting yourself.. the day you’ll start loving life.. the day you believe in love(truly believe in love) everything will change..

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I personally avoided my name…so that I can respect my soul and my love, my thoughts
        Being beparvah is the only lifeline for me to sustain… I hope you can understand
        And sorry…
        Bhavya…. Ate you on fb?

        Liked by 1 person

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