The 500 Steps !!!

Crossing the distance of around 500 footsteps is taking the hell out of me…
My selfish heart keep on beating for her ignoring the role if should suppose to play for me.. My constant reminder to my heart is been ignored like anything.

After a long struggle I finally reached to the bus stand and I felt that she is standing beside me and waiting for the signal to cross the road towards her home, as she used to wait… until I get my respective bus and often we used to get late.. 

Gone are those days, those magical moments but I remained there with lot to say, lot to write… I wish i could stop and control time so that I could live for few more moments with a big smile on my lips…

Coming to class, attending court rooms, waiting in mess has become really very hectic… Even after staying  for 6 years away from home, the feeling of homesickness grabbing me from all corners and the her absence consumes the remaining of me….

Reading a couple of pages from the internet about how to control the kind of  emotions that am carrying now, but looking at the options I decided that it would be better to be intoxicated in her dreams n memories than to follow the instructions provided ….

After attempting for months I have failed to put across the reality of her absence from my brain to my heart.. I have realised that am actually losing control over my body, my emotions which will worsen the situation even further !!

I pray to god to have me the eternal strength so that I can carry all they pain and agony along with the will power to fulfil my commitments towards my family..

Loads of love and respect for her ….
Beparvah !!!

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24 thoughts on “The 500 Steps !!!

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      1. No. I didn’t mean to say that. It’s just, love can cripple us to this extent that we lose our self-worth.. I am going through this right now. I dunno how a confident woman like me can get so intimidated and vulnerable because of one guy!!

        Can you relate? Did you ever think of yourself as a worthless guy before she came into your life? And did she really change it to the extent that now you dedicate everything to her?

        In life, we always get choices. If Ram would have accepted Sita as it is, without the agneepariksha, history would’ve been completely different. It was that one choice that made the biggest difference. I dunno if you’re getting my point..

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I am getting your point in to to
        I can relate, and yes, she gave me the reason to hate myself, yes I for the first time felt like worthless despite being a different person altogether before she came into my life ….

        Ramayana and Mahabharata both are written by a person whose gender was make and perhaps it all stated from there….

        Am I close to what you meant?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I dunno if I am the right person to say all this, considering I, myself am very weak right now. But all I wanna say is that don’t lose your self-worth. Focus. Like will surprise you. I know how it feels, what you’re going through right now. I really do. But all we got is ourselves. And either we can make ourselves better, or ruin us by delving into the past that is long gone..

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I was thinking exactly on this line but is really very difficult now… But I must say that she never betrayed me rather she never had such a feeling I guess..
        It’s my fault completely but I guess I think my love is true

        Liked by 1 person

      5. In my opinion, there is nothing like ‘true love’. If it is fake, is it really love? I know she didn’t betray you. There was this guy who once loved me like this. But, even after a great friendship between us, I never really thought of him that way. He ruined his one year of college for me. It really hurt me. Though, he was too much into the ‘gunda’ trend prevailing in his hometown, he came out of it. And he held me responsible for this ‘positive change’. And I dunno how I ever changed him. But thank god, now he’s on the right track and has established the fact that we will never be in a relation. We still talk and all.

        My point of this whole story is, she isn’t bad. She never was. But you really need to get hold of your life. She will feel bad knowing you’re still thinking of her and all. You know, in my case, I felt choked. I even blocked all contacts with him. But then he made an effort and here we are. Back to being friends again.

        So please, don’t go to this extreme limit. Your life is this way, because you chose it to be.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I don’t know what tho say, this is the exact story of mine except the gunda part, being a civil judge junior div , I still feel like I lost my case… I lost all my contact, I really mean it.. Have nothing to lose now, except one and that being my dad..

        Thank you so much for sharing this story… But I don’t know why such stories end up like this ?

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Correct… are we are intelligent enough to understand this ? Is that okay to leave it to someone’s wisdom.. There I doubt.. But yes acceptance is the best solution…
        I believe what you said!!

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I’m sorry if I said something you didn’t like.. It’s just that… I don’t wanna see anybody hurt, esp in love.. I know the feeling… And nobody deserve the pain of love..

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Pls don’t be sorry… I really respect your thought and the way you took our Thor time and shared your experience.
        Loads of respect for you ..
        Pls don’t be sorry .it hurts…
        Especially when both of us are suffering the pain of similar nature for respective reasons….

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Thank you… Yes I will try to compensate my happiness with the material success…
        Have no other option until am alone completely …
        Anyways god bless you from all angles and directions, pls tc…

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Yes at times ignorance or indifference is painful, her concept of time and space was even more dreadful…
        But she is a beautiful soul and I loved that soul … I could connect to that soul always … Good bless her wherever she is, I will be there in her breath, along with her soul..

        Thank you for your respond..
        It really means a lot !!

        Liked by 1 person

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