I have always been a person who wants to be organise all the time but, at the same time I need someone always to push me from behind so as to keep me on track !!!
Since childhood, I have heard that life is a challenge, it’s a race, it’s a mystery to be solved….and I considered life just the up opposite to these. I considered life is a blessing and an accident at the same time, it’s a purpose etc.
After completing 25 yrs of my life last sept, I realised that I have not properly planned my life… I may be a lawyer, my masters in law etc are nothing but accidents…. My ambition and goal to become a civil servant might also turn out to be an accident in future….. My love was purely an accident, a lovely accident I presume !!!
In the middle of so many accidents I would like to make one thing planned, I want to plan my death, I asked this question to myself last night, that can I plan my death? I know it’s something which is a matter of second, no one knows when they are going to live this beautiful world…
There will always be something that will remain incomplete before death, may be my goals, my love, my relationship, may be some unresolved dark side of mine etc. But also a fear will remain that people might get to know many of my secrets after my death, it will really be embarrassing !!!!
Life,… It all started from the nature, from heaven ( of at all it exist), followed by a chain of accidents, many a ones we prefer to call them planning… I also believed it so; I always believed in hard work, and rarely relied on destiny….
But with time and situations, I realised the pivotal role played by destiny… At times I felt helpless, hated myself like anything, criticised my incompetencies. Several times I was forced to bow down before the destiny…..
But, sheer losing people close to heart, I just want to forget my goals for a whole and plan my death, my last journey….
Look at this guys, this is going to be my last companion, who will carry me carefully and will take me to the god of fire, who has been waiting for long…
List of works that I need to complete..
1. Repay all my loans, of at all..
2. Inform people who matters to me,
even if I don’t matter to them…
3. Will delete all my internet for prints
4. Clean my computer full of ghazals,
and my notes,
5. Will burn all the cards, chocolate
wrappers, letters that I wrote for her,
and few few pictures that I used to
take since last 7 years…
6. Will donate my cabinet full of clothes,
books to my dearest students !!! And
my toys, cricket gear set, to my club..
7. Will have to return all the gift
wrappers to the respective people
who have gifted me something or the
other; from t-shirt, mobile phones, to
eat plugs… Because it will be very
difficult to leave this world leaving all
this emotional attachments….
8. Finally, may chair, which had carried
my weight always, irrespective of my
mood, this I won’t be able to destroy,
but I will have to leave it all alone in
People whom I loved the most, my dad, my elder sister, them finally my love…. they might require some time tho adjust with my loss, but certainly will not be shocked if I die without prior notice.. I shall prepare them way before I leave so that they can cope with the situation… I wish mom seasoned us like the way I am planning, it would have been much better..
Anyways, I have loads of work top go now, I can plan this a little later, and till then I need to complete at least half of my goals that I need to complete…
Loads of love and respect !!