My Quest To Understand God !!

To maintain the faith god has really been a difficult task when we encounter some loss especially which are irreplaceable… It is true that since 2013 Dec, this task was getting difficult for me with every single padding day…
Everyday, my faith in almighty was feeing blurred until I met a person in my life yesterday… Though I still don’t know his name properly but, he gave me a push to think over a question …

I believed that of god existed then why innocent people suffer, shy honesty becomes so difficult that people people fail to afford it, why love doesn’t exist in your heart despite being educated..and do on…..

When I was going through the phase of pain just after I list my mom, I met many people and everyone stood by me with their words saying “everything will be fine, you have to accept man is mortal etc” but it was she do made me smile…it was she who took the effort to make me walk again and also prayed for me when I was seriously ill. She never informed me about this at all…

I have many reasons to love her. She really filled the place of god who once resides in me… I believe she was a representative of god…  This changed my belief and I got a reason to live, her smile became my wish and my goal was to maintain that smile on her lips….

But again time has shown its character. It changed so drastically that took away everything on which I was living, it was a hurricane that blew my life… My faith again for shattered…


Looking at this, a small shiv mandir just beside my university, one question strikes in my mind that what is the function of this locked gate, is the god is not secured, is the god is been kept under such a protection and if yes then whom the god is scared of etc etc. Three was no such costly items inside the gate yet the almighty was kept inside this cell.If a civilization where the situation of god can be so miserable then what can be expected from life…

With this clear thought process I was entering into the campus to give a lecture on law as codified and divine law & morality to the LLB and LLM students..I gave a 3 hour lecture along with the question hour session… But a strange thing happened after the session..

After the session I was about to take a cab and suddenly I was stopped by an old man. He was a beggar. He was carrying a doctor’s prescription. Initially I refused to pay but just after that u saw him standing in front of the campus gate and calling randomly to the students by addressing ‘ beta, maa, beti’ etc. None of the relationship worked . I was looking at him, his eyes were fill of tears. His dignity, self respect was completely ruined… imagine when a person beg, he/she expresses their inability to earn, they beg for this livelihood…


After sometime, I called this man and I asked for the prescription. He gave the prescription, I asked him his name, and where he had visited the doctor and few other basic question to verify and after that I gave him 100 rupee note. Then he took that and was about to leave… As I was already in a bad terms with almighty after the recent loss of my beloved, I asked this old man do you believe in god.

Suddenly I observed a strength and confidence in his voice… He said yes, everything is controlled by god, the way we move, the way we eat, the way we respire etc… When I asked him, then why this condition of yours is so bad, why don’t you ask help from him instead of me and other people..

On this he gave a reply which was thoughtful. He said god resides in human beings. The proportion of good and bad may vary, so those who help people might have more good side than the evil and vice versa.. It is the people, where the god reside and that is why he was asking for help…

This confident reply made me think the relevance of God once again….  May be the role played by my mom in my life, may be the girl whom I love, have also played her role so far !!! Respect for fellow human being, sleeping love and care may be a way to serve the god !!!

My love and respect for you
Beparvah !!!


6 thoughts on “My Quest To Understand God !!”

  1. Pretty sensitive.

    Healthcare is free on paper, and one shouldn’t beg for it, but in many states especially Bengal, govt is not able to match dispensary stocks with sheer huge number of patients. If taxes are properly paid, the ‘education’ and ‘health’ sectors should benefit most. I advocate India turning into welfare state.

    Liked by 1 person

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