Pleasure – Pain Doctrine !!

Yesterday, just after completing my Indian and Word history notes as a part of my first go revision, I thought of reading something else, I was bored by analyzing the past events and dates. History which used to be my favorite subject now has become a boring and mundane area that I have to read as a part of my syllabus.

I remember, she always used to tell me that history is a bad subject, she never liked it, though she worked really hard to get a hold on it but every time she couldn’t make her satisfy with the marks she used to get. Her understanding was perfect but when it comes to memorizing dates..things get difficult.

Being studied history in my plus two and graduation, I had no problem with it. I wanted to help her but I knew that she won’t accept such favor because by then an unsaid gap has developed (perhaps because of my fault, my overdoing). So just before the exams I sent her the synopsis of modern India via ever note, handwritten notes saying that it belongs to a senior candidate who cleared the exam last year. Anyways, this is one small incident that I was thinking last night just before starting another subject…

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I closed my eyes at around 4:37 am and promised to myself that tomorrow I will not cry, tomorrow I will not end up doing anything that reminds me of her. I woke up at 9:45 and was taking my coffee with the newspaper in my hand. Suddenly my dad turns on the radio..and tuned to a song of Atif Aslam (not at all a deliberate act)

Atif is one of her favorite singers and coincidentally the song was   ‘Ba Khuda”, her favorite !!! And my day began with a bang !!! I laughed at my destiny, I realized that even if I try to overcome the pain, the thoughts and memories of her, situations will not allow me, she runs in my vein..

My day began with “ba khuda” and  was able to guess  what would be my condition at the end of the day…..  she is in my faith, my thoughts, and in my every experience and feelings.. in every moment she resides in me, in all my days and nights, she is the world tome and even beyond.

All the way from earth to the skies, I can see her everywhere, she is the one beyond all limits, but at the same time she is also within me..How shall I express my love for you is the question that haunts me every time. Even if I see her shadow, I really feel like going near to it  and embrace it with my eyes..

In such a situation, I decided not to escape the pain but to face it, to enjoy it, because that is what I have so far.. My every attempt to run away from the memories will indicate my  foolish and escapist character..My love is never ending, I should keep it alive to maintain my sanity. Yes, it has pain but also has the ability to cure ..  With this thinking I continued my day !!

Loads and tonnes of love and respect for her
Beparvah !!

 

 

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17 thoughts on “Pleasure – Pain Doctrine !!

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      1. Boring is a phase where I would be in search of something where I can spend time and mind, but this is a phase of being restless, have a huge battle coming up and loads of work left, but not able to concentrate at all, writing lines and crying all night is something which I never apprehended honestly!!!
        Anyways let’s see what comes next though am broken apart and not have much strength left, but still I need to face !!!
        God bless you 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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