It was 10th of Feb, 2016, around 4 a.m; I was writing the book (one that I promised to dedicate to my love) when suddenly I heard the pitter patter sound on the roof top. It was perhaps the first winter rainfall in calcutta. It is said that rain is like God’s own poetry; each drop is a single letter in a song. The music it carries always called to me in many ways which I cannot explain. But this time I had a different experience altogether. This time I came out of my house and stood near the lamp post staring up in the sky when the rain and tears mingle on my face, salty tracks blending into the fresh sky-fallen trickles. Only the pinkness of my eyes gives any clue to my sadness and in this city who will look closely enough to tell. This rainfall reminded me, one lovely moment of my life while standing with my soulmate once near a tea stall under a black plastic shed for almost twenty minutes… everything is so lively even after the expiry of nine months and it will remain evergreen all my life !!!

What I am going through is like a painful journey  but I am growing with it. Depression is the flaw in love. There is no such thing called love without the anticipation of loss. The spectre of despair can be the engine and powerhouse of initmacy. I’m badly injured and almost unconscious with severe injuries which are not visible, though they are very deep and difficult to ignore !! I felt a funeral in my brain and moruners to ‘n’ fro till my senses were breaking through when they are over ceded and my mind was going numb !! 

I came back upstairs and sat with my notebook.  I asked this question to myself as to WHY CAN’T  I ESCAPE THIS SEVERE PAIN ? IS THIS WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF BEFORE ? AM I IN LOVE ? I always tried to cloth my vulnerabilities and unending emotions behind my stiff exterior image but at last I failed. I couldn’t keep myself away from love and god knows that I was the most happiest person on earth when I surrendered myself to the unconditional love for my soulmate … We don’t meet people by accident, though we may think like that but they are meant to cross our path for some reason. I learned how to love in her light, learned how to write poems in her beauty, eternity and serenity !!

“If someting is important enough, even if the odds are against you, you should still do it” – Elon Musk…… I believe in this with utmost honesty.. May be that is why I was not able to sync with the pragmatic society around me.  For me love is not only about thrill and excitement but also to understand my soulmate in her deepest silence. My love is not restreicted to any want or desire but it includes the beauty of predictability and respecting each other’s differences. May be I ‘m a fool,  living in memories of my love and waiting for her rather than chasing dollars; I am not immersed in the inconsequential of city life… I always have the time to think about her, pray for her and listen to her voice wherever she is because I believe that emotional and spiritual connection do exist when there is true love as they follow their own laws !!!

The sense of belongingness  was growing with every moment of my life and I believed in this instead of instant gratification.. I don’t really believe in options because I will always be attached to her soul.. I’m not a quitter. I’m prepared to sacrifice my present for a better tomorrow because without my love there would’nt be a tomorrow !!

However, technology has done a great damage in my life. It makes literally no space and makes a person impossible to breathe…full of whatsapp texts , messeges and all. I could’nt understood this fact earlier. Anything too much is not good except an unconditional love. I may not be pragmatic as my friends are, but I don’t regret about this fact. “Someday everything will make perfect sense. So, for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason”

The Gift of Imperfection - Book Cover

These lines helped me a lot along with one of my friends.. JENNIFER and her constant support..  She gifted me this book so that I can value my worth, my antics, my imperfections and vulnerabilities… The biggest change that happned in my life after reading it thrice is that, I have started loving myself. Tears have not stopped yet but the bitterness of pain and tears have become sweet !! Most importantly, my love for soulmate has increased manifold…and I am not overwhlemed with it…  

It is true that by virtue of nature, I am here for a specific period of time. Unlike my feelings and love , my existence is temporal like all others but I will always be there in the raindrops, in the rays of sunlight, and in the blowing wind …bestowing all my love and wishes on soulmate forever !!

“EVENTUALLY SOULMATES MEET, FOR THEY HAVE THE SAME HIDING PLACE”                                                                                                                                             – ROBERT BRAULT  

I sincerely believe in this and this is my strength, my hope which is constantly supporting my undying and selfless love and encouraging me to wait for her. Till then I just want to pray to god for her health and success. All my life I believed in one saying of Benjamin Franklin that “MOST PEOPLE DIE AT 25 AND AREN’T BURIED UNTIL THEY ARE 75”, and I dont consider myself  in this group and I will wait for her forever !!

 Loads of  love and respect, wherever you are ….                                                                            

 God bless you 🙂

Beparvah !!




  1. It is a road you choose to travel
    If you stay on this road
    You will either
    Or love will find you
    Letting go of this force
    Letting it bathe over you
    Can only help send
    So you will attack another
    Good luck my friend

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Than you so much my friend !!!
      Yes, it’s about what we choose and I have chosen because neither I can share my love for her with anyone nor I can move on.. But certainly I want to listen tho heart because I want to verify that where my honesty and unconditional love leads to…


  2. You have written,that you will wait for her forever,i dont know your story..But if she didn’t come back yet,why will she come,in future?
    And why do you want to ruin your life,waiting for someone who doesn’t want to come back to you?
    I know love generates these emotions,even i felt the same when my love left me,i thought of staying single whole life,waiting for him…I vowed that i wont get married even,but with time,reality sinked in and i thanked him mentally for all the good times and i moved on,life is grand,i’d find love again,maybe i’ll not love him as much as I loved the one who left me but i don’t think it is a great idea to wait for someone who left,they wont come.You dnt need to forget her either,but you must try to keep her just in memories,smile n wail a lil when u miss her,and then live,give chance to someone else,again.Waiting for her,will lead to nothing…Im not destroying ur hope,hope shud be there,but you must move on… 🙂
    P.S.- Don’t mind please,i just shared what i felt.😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i sincerly want to thank you for sharing your thought and writing such a long text which in itself shows your compassion and generosity ..

      your honesty is in your words as i could understand while reading, the way you explained your personal experience…

      you are absolutely correct and very much pertinent.. the pragmatic side of life.. my elder sister often use to tell me this…

      but honestly , i still dont know , perhaps the amount of admiration for her was so great that i coulnt understand the difference between love and admiratiaon!!

      yes memories will always be there and life will move on.. waiting for her was in the sense that someday she might just as she move on in life that there was someone who prayed for her success.. though i never told her.. it was nothing like a break up as such..

      now i am waiting for my result .. only optive is to conribute as much as possible through this like ..

      and love.. I really dont kow how and when it will chose its own path.. i am sure of one thing that my maa used to say that honesty and loyalty should be possessed by very human being which i think o far I have tried to maintain and I am happy for this..

      thank you so very much..
      yoyur response means a lot to me!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes…
        Will try to capture as much as happy moments in the remaining span of life to make it worthy and help me to rejoice at the end of my last few when I will be able to connect all the dots looking backward !!

        Thank you so very much for the wishes & you too tc… Cheers to life and happiness 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “Someday everything will make perfect sense. So, for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason”


    Everything is a learning experience so have no regrets and stay strong 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Actually smiling through tears, pretending to be someone else as I used to be, and reason behind it will be answered by the time which is to come… Waiting for someone who will not return is amazingly painful, making fun of myself, and fooling myself that I will be strong….

      Thank you so much Abhinaya… It really means a lot and the way you are selectively reading my posts…I just cannot express my gratitude and happiness in words… A big big thank you for making this journey worthy 🙂 🙂


      1. I know exactly what you mean. I understand the intensity of your love (at least to a certain extent) from the way you write. I am not going to belittle your feelings by saying “Everybody goes through this at some point in their life.” But certain things in life are not meant to be and we should learn to let go and keep living. Life is full of disappointments but it’s up to us to make it worth it. I hope someday somebody will hug you so tight that all your broken pieces stick together!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. such a lovely and wonderful comment …it actually brought tears in my eys.. why at times people with whom we have no connection, does bring light and hope in our life? thank you so so much for this comment… it will be something which i will tressure throughout my life !!
        Thank You and God Bless you 🙂
        Beparvah !!

        Liked by 1 person

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