The Challenge & Its Changing Definitions!!

The ratio of 35 mins : 525600 mins – this is the next big challenge for which I have been waiting since Jan 2015.

Yes, I am talking about the union civil services examination organized every year by UPSC.  I started preparing for the same in 2015 with a idea to clear the exam but in the process I have learned many things apart from getting into the services, things which I never thought about earlier in my life!!

I have heard this phrase very often that to get something, you have to lose something and in this process of preparation, I lost many things. If I introspect and look into my balance sheet of losses and gains, I will have to conclude that the amount of losses are much more than the amount of gains !!
But they are valuable and cannot be estimated with respect to any material unit.

When I started preparing, my only dream was to get into services but now when I am standing at the cross roads just before the interview I feel all alone !!! 


This is the call letter which I got after clearing the mains 2015 but I realized that, what used to be a dream for me to  to face the civil services interview board.. has left with little or no value to me since I have been abandoned_!!!

However, things are different for my family and especially my dad & elder sister. They were so happy for the mains result that their first reaction was an outburst of emotions in the form of tears … remembering Maa with only one thing in mind that,  had she been there with us then she would have been the most happiest person among us !!! 


After that mixed emotional display, we went for a family dinner and had a good time.  But before that my sister went up to buy some formal clothes for the interview … I didn’t know how to respond to such pampering 🙂


I was happy but I missed my love which was very evident from my face and actions, however, I managed to hide my pain from them !! 

My Didi  never misses an opportunity for a good picture even if it’s the dark ambience of Peter car. !!


Me and my Jerry had some good time.. But still someone was missed badly.. I was really worried about this vacuum…


This is the page which talks about the scheduled medical & health check up for me which will be on 16 of March..
It reminds me of a lovely memory of my love, she once said that, if I do not take care of my health, I may not clear the entire process of the examination as I was taking less or no care of my health all during my preparation.  But today, when the day has come in reality, she has almost vanished from my life …. I miss you badly, so much so that I cannot even express it with my limited vocabulary!!


Finally, I got something funny in this entire information form which talks about the list of criminal conducts. 🙂  Commission is just interested to know whether I was involved in any criminal conduct in the past and no supportive evidences are required for the time being which I find little odd because in this world of professional liars, the commission still find some place for trust and expect the required integrity !!!

I am not afraid of the result, the final outcome of my interview because I am happy about what I have learned during the process so far. With her support UPSC will be a cake walk for me and not otherwise and this fact will be in my mind…

On the contrary, I know that what I have already lost or on the verge of something which is priceless and eternal; which will leave a irreparable dent on the walls of my heart and one life would perish  !!! 

I will be going tonight for Delhi for my interview on scheduled on 14 march.. I know she will be praying..

Loads of love and respect for you
I miss you so much…..
Beparvah !!


12 thoughts on “The Challenge & Its Changing Definitions!!

  1. Best wishes for the big step you are about to take. When you have put in such a great effort and sacrificed many things along the way, it’s only fair that you do not now waver at the last moment. It’s just anxiety and fear of the unknown. Be firm my friend and give it all you have. You will surely do well. Wish you success.

    Liked by 1 person

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