Where The Fault Lies – Part II !!

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Getting another degree is not a big deal
unless it is worth having it.. I may be an
emotional fool but I know it’s positives..
I may have beaten people in public but I can cry out loud too for the one whom I loved more than myself..

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Last month when I went to buy theYojna magazine I went to the shop twice to  buy another copy for her because I can  always pretend that she is around me.

After the interview I went to a place with Harsh and end up clicking one picture of mine on his continuous insistence as
I rarely do that. But eventually I did and I  accepted his proposal because it would be an honor to stand  beside our pride, our national flag!!

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Soon I have realized that, this is what I was intended to… Then what happened all of a sudden. Why everything has lost its value? Why I am questioning all the time about my existence? Is it because I lost my observer… (As per the basics of quantum physics).. Did I met her just like that or is there any conspiracy of the almighty?? Well, I believe that there is more to it and this cannot be the end.
There is something troubling my soul.

I am revealing something that I expect she is already aware of… I just need all the help I can get!! Enough when this double life. Several times I saw her in my dreams and in one of my blog post I have published the entire conversation with her in the form of a letter… It may sound stupid but trust me….. Dreaming isn’t as simple as it seems.

On the contrary, dreaming can be quite dangerous. When we dream, we put powerful engines in motion and can no longer hide the true meaning of our life from ourselves. When we dream, we also make a choice of what price to pay.

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Going after a dream has a price. It may mean abandoning our habits, it may  make us go through hardships, or it may lead us to disappointment, but, however costly it may be, it is never as high as the price paid by people who didn’t live. Because one day they will look back and near their own heart say- ” I wasted my life ” . Thus, I decided tho follow my dream of proofing my first love !!

Nothing happens without effort. You have to have faith. I have complete faith and trust on her and on my love.. And for that, you have to break down the barriers of prejudice, which requires courage… and these are the few virtues that I possess…

She is a blessing in my life. I may not be the best partner for her in the world, because I ever showed my feelings to her….. And I know she will give this opportunity someday… Love is like a kaleidoscope, the kind we used to play with when we’re kids. It’s in constant movement and never repeats itself. If you don’t understand this, you are condemned to suffer for something that really only exists to make us happy..

The only thing that counts is what you think about love… !!

With her silence, the intensity of pain has been increasing by every moment.
My sobs are so loud that my collogues at times approaches me and asks if I need some help and I say no… I am plunging deeper into my inner self, into its sea of mud, and I can’t swim!!  I just can’t watch my world to collapse in front of me doing nothing…

Can we train ourselves tho love the right person? I thing the answer lies in the problem which is about forgetting about the wrong person, … It requires time to undertake a person. I’m just asking for that time…

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I can see people coming and going, all so busy in their own worlds, tiny enough to fit on the screen of the smart phones from which they are unable to unglue their eyes and ears… They are neither happy nor sad.. Just the poor souls mechanically carrying out the mission that universe assigned on the day they were born…

I may have lost the thing that is most important to me in my life… my family, but I got them back only because if her… I have been defeated in the battle to find happiness and then she came as as an angel with her 100 happy days challenge.  I miss you very very much… and this is the only platform where I can express my heart out… From a super introvert, I became an extrovert….

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I look at the dead leaves on the ground.  These leaves were once a part of the tree, a tree that had now gone to ground to prepare for a season of rest. Did the tree have any consideration for the green cloak that covered it, feed it and enabled it to breathe?? The tree just thought about itself.

I am not like one of those leaves on the ground, who lived thinking it would be everlasting and died without knowing exactly why he lived… And neither she is like that of the selfish tree. This I still hope that it’s just the testing time, it’s the test of my love…. which I should win as there is no other option if I’m true to myself !!

Loads of love for her!!  And respect  that comes at the top!!
Beparvah!!

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48 thoughts on “Where The Fault Lies – Part II !!

Add yours

  1. Hope is a great virtue and i pray she comes back into your life…if only she knew you blog and could read…
    Life is not forever…it may be prudent to clear things once and for all and if necessary move ahead in life leaving past behind…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I understand what you are saying like many others… I will move on in my life but not without her, of not her them with her memories I will manager to remain happy ever…

      Like

      1. You mentioned here that in one of your blog posts you have posted the conversation in form of a letter. I am talking about link to thar blog post.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Being in love is a never ending battle.. There are time you battle with your inner demon and there are times when you battle with your surroundings but I am sure that love is worth this much battle..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s the soul reason I am still fighting hard for it and decided not to leave in between… Thank you for your support 🙂
      It means a lot to me… And being a Virgo I liked the way you described us in general…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Virgo’s zodiac element is earth type.. Which means a virgo’s attachment is deep like roots of a tree, one can cut it but none can remove it.. I wish you all the best my friend..

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad that I could reached to your emotions through this post.. I want to tell you that even I am on the verge of losing myself… But at the same time I don’t feel that I have wasted because I actually didn’t expect anything from her.. Just wanted to be with her knowing fully well that I’m not required any more…
      I could still move on… But trust me I developed a divinity into this feeling of mine and I think she will be with me someday and realize what she was to me… But worst can be that, unfortunately I would not be there to feel that …

      Pls don’t feel bad… You were honest and brave to fall for someone.. God will bless you

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I have learned this so far from my mom… That always be loyal to what you love to .. I still remember her words, and will not forget her words..
      My love is my first love, I will wait ..because I felt the divinity in this feeling of mine for her, it will remain until I survive….
      🙂 🙂
      Thank you for you support, it really means a lot!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. True, though I am gaining strength from this pain, my tears are getting converted into my strength, I want to rise in love and keep this feeling for her alive forever and wait ! .
        I have no other option…
        May be I sound stupid… Big that’s me.. A stupid, emotional fool 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Am holding onto something which is not going to come back. At least that’s what it looks apparently, but trust me I do not have any intension of getting in return something:)

        Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s the best ever comment I got and trust me, I do not want anything in return, just want her to be happy.. That’s my optive for moving on…
      Will pray for her success a as I m doing since one year… And will continue:) 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This brought tears in my eyes, …
        I have stopped this expectation of getting anything in return for my undying love.. I actually don’t want anything… Trust me, even of she is happy with someone else, it doesn’t matter, until she is happy.. I have enough of her love and memories to live my life… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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