Hello to the wonderful readers,
Firstly I wanted to thank you all for being so kind to continue this journey with me in the last fourteen months in this platform called word press with an increasing and active readership of 630 plus… and with almost reading about my own story; the one sided love story, a journey of a lawyer to an Asst. Professor to a civil servant and in between the transformation of a true lover …
Life is simple, its only our perspectives that makes it complicated and complex. We can change our perspective towards life just by changing our attitude because it has no limit unlike knowledge. Magic lies within us, lets hold each others hand and move forward step by step and build memories that will always be cherished .. Magic will begin once we start doing it.. Our main purpose is to master the art of giving because it will make us rich .. it will help us to learn the magic of unconditional love.. be givers and think about others.. that’s it !!
Thank you guys for making this a special day !! now coming to the topic which I wanted to write today.. its nothing new but just with a different flavor because I am left with nothing apart from this..
Something I have become which nobody can take away from me.. You can ignore my success, my existence but you just cannot take away what I have become already , I became somebody else.. Its because of you.. (Hopefully you will read it someday).. When I think of the last text where you demanded some time and space & compare it with the last call you made… I feel lost and confused .. It is true when people say that heart is surely made up of fine glass because trust me you broke it beautifully and now every piece reflects your face, every part reminds me of the past..
I wanted to be a survivor, someone who wanted to live well and think well.. So far I am often called as a successful failure but now I wanted to be called as just bloody successful.. It is very lonely at the top and trust me it is. This thought has made me resign many jobs so that I can live among the people I loved the most.
But you have to be lonely when you try to be successful… Most of the time I feel lonely and there are days when I feel sad at my failures. These are the times I still read the old texts of yours, listen to the old songs you once send and the beautiful quotations we have shared and finally conclude by reading your blog; they certainly help though it made me cry often..but I feel that someone was there with me for a while to share my pain ..who brought smiles on my face despite all possible handicaps like self doubt, fear, vulnerabilities…
Can love be expressed through pain ? I believe yes, but only true love can sustain that.. These above lines realizes what you meant by distance and time..
I still don’t know how the real Beparvah is like… May be there is no real me left anymore, may be there is no real emotion left within me… I have expressed it all in my posts..about my life and love.. now I often feel empty from inside.. and I know that being surrounded by many lovely people, deep inside you are also a kind of loner, someone who needs their own space too.. someone who is in search of some unexpected magic in between the vibrant mood swings !!
This is what makes you special, you know how to adapt and survive with all dignity. You are that core strength which I can feel deep inside inspite of being miles and miles away !!!
But I know god is with me, I know I have wings and I can fly no matter what. Only those who love illusion and no weight will go far.. never to chase what you want, work on yourself, work on your character..this is what I am doing constantly; a struggle with myself. Things will come back if you are honest and loyal… or else we will spend our life in confusion as to who we really are… There is no answer to ” WHY” which we often ask.. I personally believe that it is an intellectual luxury which very few can afford.. The real fun lies in the “HOW” aspect of it..
Even the law of aerodynamic says that a bumble bee cannot fly ; but it does because It wants to fly..despite challenges , problems, if we wish to achieve something nothing in this world can stop us because we all have that magic.. what it important is that we all need that special person who would remind us and in my case it was you who used to be my constant reminder, you used to convince me every time that I can do it !! And today I do not have this life support… May be you wanted to give me another lesson so that I could stand by my own … I don’t know..
This is what I have become, this is what I am up to .. because this is the ultimate goal of human life, this is what I saw in your presence and loved it.. Trust me I am not exaggerating to a single degree…It is all true and hence I love you as much as I respect you !!
They way you brought me up from the mess I was in, the way you stood by my side and cared for my health when I was all alone, makes you special and you will remain to be special ever. May be I am miles away but trust me I can sense you every moment !!
Sitting in the balcony of my new room with all unknown people with my diary but not entirely lonely because I could find you in every pages of it.. You are being missed very very much. There is a Mandir near the hill where I prayed for your health and success… May god Bless you with everything you deserved …
Loads of love and respect Beparvah