A Letter To My Love !!

There were mornings when I did not wanted to wake up and there were nights when I was all alone with my thoughts and memories of the dream that I lived when I was with you. !! 

1

People often built walls to know who is going to break it down..the serious image of

mine was shattered by your love way back with your small gestures, 

those smiles, and puerile acts of ours.. I wonder how I fail to understand you…

I lost a good friend in the process… whom fell in love with..

I couldn’t even prove my worthiness and love for you properly !!

My life was strangulated between time and space, 

but being an obstinate creature I just don’t want to lose the hope..

wish that you would understand that someone loved you with all purity and honesty !!

mini

I got my life back after battling with all deadly and invasive adversities

may be because of your love but I’m also scared that may be

I’ll die because of the same reason !!

I know life is a gift; our temporary success makes it more beautiful

and our loved ones add to its significance but

having said that,  the absence of the same makes it worse than death…

Set me free from me & myself..you can pray this at least !! 

2

Be it during my riding sessions or in the library

I’m always in my past…  I ‘m always with you ..

I really wonder

what should I do if you are always ticking inside my heart 

I dream of you more often than I don’t 

I know that it’s painful to accept that you have fallen in love with someone 

who can’t be yours, but its more lethal to suppress it hence I’m writing it down all 

so that in my absence these may always remind you of me …

As someone said that we are shaped and fashioned by what we love.. 

Then what is love ??

 l

I wonder what god’s intentions are…

Why there always exist an element of inequity

Why there is a less sky  and more birds !!

A share of joy and a share of sorrow,

A share of a gulp, and a share of a breath

And a share of the wound and relief..

When we entered the academy we all had a great and warm welcome 

People took our palm prints and took their imprints on our batch sheet …

Here I missed you. I wanted to celebrate your birthday here.

You remember ?? 

2016_08_25_19_22_38

A tale of heart shattering

I wonder what charade is your love ..

Seems as a culprit at night

And like god during the day …

Since last 15 months I haven’t slept properly, 

Habits changed, I as a person changed, though its unfortunate that

I am shouting about it  

on my own only because I just wanted to yell out loud..

so that my voice can reach to you and covers the long geographical distance..

Just cant die like this everyday.. and am scared about the fact that

god must not punish you for my tears and pain..

because it has never been your fault

You are my only hope !!! 

a

Sleep is like a lover,

If we don’t give it ample time

It starts to deceive you ..

And its not easy to cajole her !!

But for me, night is like my companion

It stays awake with me.. and in the

morning it hands me over to the dawn

safe and sound !!!

Then the dawn makes me run

run …run and run !!!

 I wonder at times that if I die now..

What am I going to miss the most ??

My job, position, uniform, money, or my friends and the loved ones..

  And I could see few faces and one is of certainly yours !!

2016_08_25_19_16_44

Trust me, all through my journey in word press, I

have tried my best to convey the pain that both of us had suffered and still suffering

through my words but there are many wounds and bruises

which do not even leave red marks and that is something which scares me more …

Letter-writing-3-love-letter

I believe that wounds are always open to each other..

I don’t want a void in my life..

I wanted to feel it with my bare fingers: be it my coffee mug or our relationship..

But one thing that  I forget every time is that

I do not have the liberty to express my love and pain

Nor even to cry

I hope you will understand my helplessness someday….

Every day I wake up with a hope that today my wait would end

This is what kept me going so far..

May be somethings are better left unsaid !!!!

Loads of love and respect,

Beparvah !!

P.S   I deliberately chose the red color because I had purpose behind it !!!  And all the picture except the last two and the quotation on love, are from my new camera .. got it a moth ago.. so please excuse me for those if you feel them not good enough.. am not very good with camera..  there are people who click photos for me most of the time.. and am always thankful to them.. especially MISHA, ( IAS ) *  & also for my picture !!!

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34 thoughts on “A Letter To My Love !!

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    1. I have no words!!
      Thank you .. I also hope the same .. because its really getting too hard to overcome .. and also to hide.. Though I’m not as to when she would understand.. but something from within help[s me to believe that things will be okay and she will understand someday !! I will wait for that awesome day to come in my life !!

      Thank you for the wishes and prayers , they are most precious to me !! 🙂 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much , it means everything to me..
      I sincerely pray that.. because I miss her like anything!! breathing has become a burden at times when tears decides not to stop … and this happens more often , Your prayer might work .. pls do pray .. i won’t be able to afford to live without her !!

      Like

      1. This comment has made my day… gave me a reason to cling with the hope that I have been carrying since past 14 months.. May this prayer also comes true !!

        Thank toy so much !! I mean it !!

        Like

      1. either it will have a happy ending or it might not end.. seldom seen people waiting for someone throughout life in my circle.. But I would have no regrets if I have to wait forever.. May be it’s stupid.. may be she will move on.. but I won’t be able to !!

        Like

  1. Hello there Beparvah…how beautiful the movement of emotion, the moments of pain, the realisation in hope and ‘unbounded’ outward pouring of expression – no walls needed there!….i was thinking that the red prose might convey love that is void in presentism, and the love entangled wounds, which were so prematurely ripped apart from that which you’d once experienced, and the longing that rests in its memory that is pulsating and alive… Ps. the photo in the uniform (or it looks as if that could be the case) is beautiful, as the rest are. I’m sure you’re having fun with your new camera.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.. yes.. it feels amazing in uniform …
      Its really painful to sustain in such situations.. but I will try to survive with a never ending hope to see her smile .. and the respect in her eyes !!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Is is painful, but not injurious.. it is soulful because it is selfless.. it believes in sacrifice and faith.. not only in words but in action .
      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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