Hello friends!! I am out with yet another post after almost a month because of one simple reason and that being… a thought which compelled me to write this piece because for some reason or the other I felt that my love, wherever she is.. is going through an emotional turmoil..I felt that she is feeling a bit lonely… I may be completely wrong and I would be the happiest person if my apprehension proves to be utterly erroneous… but for the time being I would dedicate this post so as to make her understand how beautiful and powerful she is….
I don’t know how to start, what to write. When you want to gain something big, the margin of error is very small. One half second, too slow or fast and you don’t quite catch the opportunities.
I am not a writer, my habit of writing begins and ends with my diary and with the development of platforms like this, the scope of sharing my thoughts and experiences increased manifolds..
The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are present in every seconds of our life… and our purpose is to fight for those inches because we know that if we add up all such inches together, it will make the difference between living and dying !!!
The idea is not to showcase some extraordinary stories, writing capabilities or naming some famous personalities but to share my experiences which might be helpful for those who are detested and left with no hope.. to ensure them that no matter where and how you are .. your God is always with you..!!
All the posts so far I have written here, what you might assume as my story is actually few extracts from my diary.. as raw as it could be!! If my reader friends feel that this story of mine is a fiction or my imagination then the fault lies in my writing, it is infact my failure!!
She used to love meeting people, gaining experiences, learning from others, so I thought of introducing her to the world in this way (as the book is going to take some more time).. the way I saw and perceived her.
When I first met her, I was not having a stable mind, I was depressed; after witnessing all kinds of losses, pains and disasters..I had lost all my hopes, I was helpless.. I tried to fight my battle but I didn’t have the right weapons with me. I was on the verge of accepting defeat especially when I lost my sole source of power; my Mom !!
I admit that life is stronger than death.. Life has more energy that we could ever find .. but isn’t this life is worse than death when you see no sign of hope? I used to believe in “no giving up attitude” but now at every step I feel like I am trying to save death instead of life and opportunities!!
In this backdrop she came like the only support, the only ray of hope after my family.. and infact, there are times in our life when we cannot share everything with our family members.. she was the gift of almighty in my life… she was a very good friend.. but then life strikes hard.. life challenged me by saying that
” So much love is not good.. “
I felt a void around me when she decided to move out of my life.. all my dreams became meaningless once again.. I encountered sorrow and emptiness … To fill that void I kept writing blog posts and kept fooling myself ..
Even I continued texting her on whatsapp knowing fully well that none of them would ever be read. I kept everything in a way so as to feel her presence forever.. especially when I celebrated her birthday, the day I played the instrument called “Sarod”.. which I learned for three months before the event ..
Someone said it very correctly that life is full of paradoxes and ironies. The biggest irony of my life would be that the habits and qualities that have once impressed her, later became the reason of our separation…
May be the pain in my eyes seems fake to people but everyone has their own hell and everyone has to face it alone This is how I take it these days.. it is true that practicality is nothing but a manifestation of our beliefs and experiences.. but what matters more is the essence of balance!!
For me, small things and gestures really had a deep impact. Be it one simple smile or a pair of ear plugs.. They’re still alive in my memory, I didn’t forget a single past moment, I often feel that may be I am waiting for her from many lives and I can wait forever… I believe that I can respect her demand for time and space !!
Yes, in the meantime there were so many sleepless nights and many more to come I presume… but I convinced the annoyed nights too. For her sake, I even invited the mornings.. Inspite of knowing about her absence..I still kept waiting for her..
Life doesn’t give everyone the luxury of preserving their honesty, and self respect !! Or, the liberty to chose between right or wrong. Life often brings us to the crossroads where it is difficult to choose whether to save our life or honour..
Building character was only thing that I was left with and books became my best friend once again… they taught me many things in the past one and half years. Some of the books that helped me in this regard are..
Apart from these few books I was blessed to have another friend..a friend who loves me unconditionally.. who brought big smiles on my face.. He is none other than my Bruno !! The name ” Bruno ” has a special significance.. I hope she remember this name at least. !!
Sun is the best time keeper throughout the world.. so I believe it will give me some direction that will help me to live once again with the love I possess for her, the love which is independent of feelings .. “feelings” which often change with time..
Before beginning a fresh start, I wanted to confess that I might have hurt her in this process because I was chasing my first love.. because I was scared of losing my first love, because I felt insecure… but she had me realize what I deserve… well, I will always be there waiting for her as I have understood the strength of love.. my love has become more stronger and emotionally stable, with which I can live my life forever along with a hope to meet her once at least before I die !!
Loads of love and respect for my love. Trust me… you are awesome in so many ways… I have witnessed that spark.. May God bless you. My prayers are always there for you..