Reblogging only because I somehow lost it… thankfully I saved it in the draft section !!
I cannot even remember how many times I’ve been told by her “to be realistic” “be practical”; bur I often believe that these words have stopped millions of souls from reaching to the highest version of themselves..
The kind of restlessness which I feel sometimes for the unrequited love, is for a reason and that is not to be buried underneath what society feels is realistic or pragmatic .. I often question myself as to how can I deny my peace which I feel whenever I feel connected to my love, whenever I pray for her…
I remember, It was my first field deputation in Kashmir, an amazing place to learn from my seniors .. I have heard from the locals about some of the famous sacred places where often wishes and prayers are been considered…Although I am more of a spiritual than a religious person but whenever I think of her happiness and success, I pray without fail…everyday !!
And Kashmir wasn’t an exception.. I along with Harsh went out early in the morning that day … We managed to get this vintage from some connections which we have created in the past week or so.. I knew where I was heading to.. it was an ancient sacred place..but Harsh was not aware of it initially.. During the night, we stayed in a tent..although he was preparing himself mentally for the upcoming Republic day parade and I was reading a book .. a book from one of her favorite authors along with the ear plug she had given me…
Next day morning we reached to that temple and I prayed there for my family and of course for my love . After almost an hour Harsh asked me “what am I praying for ??” I replied ..”I’m praying for my peace”.. I wish I could express whatever I was feeling in words but it really becomes very difficult to express such raw and eternal emotions through words. I can only say that I could feel her presence, I could feel connected to her soul every time I pray !!
Next week we went back to Hyderabad, and both of us had an amazing experience during the Republic day parade !!
Unfortunately my I got a call from home that my granny was critical and as a result I came back to Calcutta after taking all the required assessments and permissions.. She is 98 and everyone in our family were prepared for the ultimate end except my father and I can understand how it feels to lose this precious gift of god called ” mother”!!
During my stay there, and after her initial recovery I thought of utilizing the time by visiting to those lonely lanes of our family library.. which is 165 years old !! It was an awesome experience to recollect those old age stories which I used to hear from my grandfather … I missed those days and also missed my love. She loves to read, explore ..and this place is quite appropriate where she would have loved to visit!!
This was also an old and sacred place where I prayed .. The idea is not to express and highlight all my efforts but to convey a very simple message and that is, people should respect their loved ones.. pray for their happiness and success because prayers bring the souls together and generate a divine sense of love which is not dependent on the physical possession of the body! but something which is more deep yet simple !!
There was a time when I often used to ask her that “how have you been?” and very often she used to reply that “mujhe kya hoga”.. I remember these lines … It was that night when I came across a nightmare … I wanted to ask her again but I couldn’t and next day I got the news from one of my friends about an incident.. I was disturbed as the place of the incident was related to her.. ( I will not name the incident or the place either).. Somebody told me in my village that there is a 376 years old temple where the idol is kept 15 meters under the top soil..If someone goes there barefoot at 4 in the morning then every prayers will be considered…
Coming it from a villagers was nothing abnormal but actually going there being an educated person was a stupidity I presume.. But the kind of restlessness I was feeling about her security and safety, I failed to resist and followed the entire list of instructions. The above picture is the entrance and if you go inside , you will get an opening from where one have to crawl to reach 15 meters underground temple !! After praying for her and for my family I felt a sense of completion !!
Before leaving my village, granny and my family after staying there for four days..I disclosed her name only to my dying granny and she said only one thing that “enjoy the honesty and passion in the kind of love you are in” … and she asked me to visit this temple too before leaving.. So I visited here as well and prayed with all my heart and soul for the love I was carrying for her and expressed my gratitude to her for giving me the opportunity to feel this love !!
I had few days left under the permitted period and already received three marriage invitations from my friends.. One is my friend Fateh for which I had to reach Rajasthan(kotputli) and the other was in Lucknow where both bride and the bridegroom are my university batch mates!! And the third one is my sister and blogger friend Pratyusha !!
Unfortunately the dates were clashing and I had to chose any one of them and finally I chose the second one and promised to meet Fateh along with his wife in Delhi and Pratyusha and her husband soon!!
This was the engagement party but I was engaged into a political discussion with Ishaan Madaan and Subhiksh sir.. ( BJP UP spkesperson at kanpur- bareli zone) along with Mohanty and Srivats (my classmates).. Shared some candid moments along with some serious ones with Mr. Gaurav Agarwal (SC. AoR) and Mr. Raghav Pandey (BJP Bombay Pracharak)
Isha was unstoppable with her taals and here Abhikalp on the other side was busy with the most special day of his life !! Although Isha was playing that instrument but we had a little fight over the issue of my least participation. But anyways I finally managed to escape by saying that on the day of marriage (that is the next day) I will try my best to dance !!
Next day I was completely engrossed into the marriage and understanding the eternal beauty and power of commitment that was evolving … I was very happy to witness that transformation .. I missed my love badly and couldn’t resist to hold my tears rolling down my cheeks.. but somehow managed !! Later I sang, and dance at the same time till 1 am.. I don’t know what happened to me and how did I managed to do all of that .. May be it was her strength and the connection I was feeling that night.. After some amazing food (all vegetarian) we came back to Piccadly (the hotel we were staying) !!
I don’t believe in valentines’s day etc because I feel her love everyday and every moment .. I cannot restrict my celebrations to one particular day or a week or a month..Rather I would love to enjoy the divine and eternal presence of the love I carry for her always and forever. This love knows the essence of sacrifice and only possess one reason to hold on to it and that is loyalty towards the eternal and raw feeling..
Everything ended in a happy note and I left for Delhi again to prepare for my upcoming interview in the month of March !!
Loads of love and respect for her ..
P.S. Sorry for the video issue (if at all it arise later).. I actually posted the small republic day parade that took place in SVPNPA .. However it is in my Instagram account which is in the same name “beparvah”