Every time I come up with a new chapter of my unrequited love story… and every time I feel a kind of peace resting on me.. I know that my story is not a story of some miracles… on the contrary, it’s a simple story of an undying love that I have for that special person, a story of an unending faith ,a story of unrequited love that breaks me from inside yet provides me the strength so that I can be connected to it eternally; a love that creates distances still brings me closer to her soul; love that is true, pure and unconditional..
I share the sunlight with her everyday in the morning….. I smile thinking about her cute face 🙂 I can imagine how she must be struggling with her long hair everyday… That’s what precisely my day begins with. A day that begins with a smile !! Thanks to her !!
“Lobo”.. my cactus, often waits for me early in the morning.. Since last two years or so I have been doing gardening on my rooftop!! It is something for her because she used to love nature’s beauty and often used to appreciate it’s eternal presence and values!!
Sketching is something which is surely inspired by her because she often used to show her sketches.. I used to think that someday I will show her my paintings too which I drew for her but that didn’t happened unfortunately; but I hope that someday I will be able to share those paintings with her!!
This was basically with the artist’s water colours… I have made five portraits of her with the same colours but this is not the place to share with … because my expression of love, my feelings are not that important if I compare it with the responsibility I have to maintain the secrecy of her identity. That’s where my strength lies which helps to continue this journey called life..
Maa, my mother often used to teach me that respect always comes first because it shows how much you love and care for that particular person.. This is very true I believe and that’s why I have maintained this secrecy throughout my blogging !!
This was the painting I drew in the temple when I was praying to god for her in Mayapur and feeling some sort of devine love, the magic of love..I understood that time is going to be help me out…till then I will be carrying that love for her..
This picture I drew when I thought of her in trouble and pain for which I have to be blame for.. May be my constant writing and posting new blog posts have instilled pain and mental trauma,in the hindsight I have realized that it was all my fault.. I should have kept these feelings with me buried deep in my heart forever… but I failed !!
I proved to be an ordinary human being who had fallen in love for the first time; who had, for the first time realized the feeling of carrying love for someone.. it was something which I had not felt for the last 25 years and today at 27 I still carry the same love with more intensity ! I wanted to apologize for all my actions and insensitivities, but I promise that her identity and the love would be protected forever till the time I perish !!
It is true that she resides in India but her mind had no boundaries.. it often used to travel across the oceans, loves to settle in beaches for some time, then it moves to the mountains.. from Rockies to Andes, from Ural to Amu Dariya!! So I thought of drawing a face of an old African woman ( from where the first human origin flourished) full of experiences and wisdom; someone who had seen the world around and her knowledge is evident from her face !!
It might seem unbelievable but it true that since my childhood I have not been grown up with cartoon characters and comics.. it’s something which I would miss forever. I was extremely scared of myself especially after my mother’s death because I used to think that I will lose my mind.. but god had planned something for me and she came into my life, though for a very short time but had the deepest impact… She introduced me with Donald duck, and Amar Chitrakatha and many other comic characters… This picture is just an attempt to acknowledge her contribution which she made unknowingly. She carved a man out of a beast !!
Here I was trying to burn all my wrong beliefs; my ego and arrogance; the prejudices and everything else which often comes under the veil of pragmatism and stands in between me and my prayers which I do everyday for my loved ones!! That’s a kind of Valentine’s day I celebrate ..where in I would find myself more closer to my loved ones and would be more connected to their souls without any kind of manipulations!!
I only pray to the almighty to bestow me with strength so that I can love liked this forever; so that I can hang in there and wait for the correct time.. so that god make sure that my love finds its way someday!!!
Loads of love and respect for her Beparvah !!