Dying every moment .. Barely alive, it’s stifling…… I am in pain.. losing my hope.. but still trying to find my way back; the space between hope and hopelessness which we all go through, we all have our share of happiness and pain..
In many setbacks and defeats that destiny has handed me, I have always tried to look within for strength. I have traveled far, my journey took me to places I had never imagined visiting .. yet, it was always this principal that came back to me !!
There is a divine power that looks over us, that gently lifts us from our sadness , failures and miseries. If we open our heart, our minds ..it will certainly guide us to our true destination..
” khuda ne kabhi humse ye vaada nehi kiya ki asmaan humesha neela hi rahega, zindagi bhar phoolo se bhari rahein milengi, khuda ne ye vaada nai kiya ki suraj hain to badal nai honge, khushi hain to gham nai honge, sukoon hain to dard nai honge…”
Having read these lines several times.. the fear still picks at mind and I often commit mistakes out of the fear of losing my first love. I know that.. like a stubborn and foolish guy I am carrying this hope that someday she will understand how much I loved her but I also know that both of us are correct in our respective decisions.. both of us are very stubborn and this makes our story some what different.. a story worth living!! It’s a privilege to have experienced this love !
I have realized that a scarcity of good things is better or else a crowd of good things make it mediocre !! So it’s okay to live this life which has nothing but a hope ..
Anyways, today I would like to share my initial success through this post and also to dedicate this success to my first and only love.. who made me so very strong with her love, warmth and denial !!
My first encounter with the so called alleged enemies from Anantnag.. Finally getting hold of few men with all sorts of illegal/ forged north eastern government documents, old currencies and arms !!
A picture taken in office… !!
This is a small price paid for this operation. The 17 stitches and few other small injuries over the left shoulder, knee and spine made me even more stronger!!
Right now writing this post from district hospital, Anantnag, Kashmir … because I was getting restless for not writing for so many days.. I felt like writing something.
By the way how can I fail to share this precious gift from “Gurtoo”, a Kashmir girl who presented this painting… I wish I could post a picture with her but she gave this to me when I was sleeping..
Last time I got anther gift from another Kashmiri child who had written my name in Urdu.
Building the trust between govt and local public is the toughest part of the job… a rape survivor who faced the horror still in shock and pain yet wanted peace.. this 21 year old drawn this picture where she tried to depict the ongoing destruction of humanity ….
The moment I received it last night.. few questions came into my mind.. Was it carrying a purpose ? Does it carried any expectation ?? Etc!!
Relationships is something that I gained after all these years of my loneliness .. I have realized that when you are alone.. when you are depressed, there will always be someone who will stand beside you.. I have never thought of this support, love and warmth coming from Allahabad …
I have never experienced such motherly warmth and unconditional love !! I really feel blessed to have been surrounded by people like this !!
Again this this not my mausi ji.. if we go by the relationship linkages .. but she is no less than my relative. She is from Rajasthan , whose two sons and one daughter were my students long ago. The moment she got to know about it from the radio news .. she couldn’t resist her self.. !!
Since I got admitted. She is one of those whose constant curiosity about my health, her concerns reminds me of my mother..
Another aspect that I have realized that if someone is honest to his or her love or feelings.. with a bit of madness.. then even if it initially seems that they are going to lose their loved ones… but trust me that love will certainly come back in some form or the other… we just need to wait and keep our trust intact.. you will always find one reason to hold on..
Soon I think I will be shifted to some other place.. unfortunately which I am not allowed to disclose … but wherever I go. I will carry her love and my parent’s blessings with me..
It’s going to be a new journey.. with old companions.. there will be new tasks and challenges…but I will be carrying my old weapons. I will miss that smile of her, but I will not miss her eternal presence..
I think of her listening intensely to the sea waves, to the ever present ravens and other birds around her, woken up by the rising sun. She is the girl everyone turned to in their hour of need as she is one of the wisest and generous girl I have had the fortune of knowing her…loads of love …
Prayers will always be there for her life, health, and success!!
And I try to imagine myself walking through the quiet lanes of my locality , very soon, long before the day made its demands on me.
Loads of love and respect for her Beparvah !!
P.S. After taking permission from my immediate seniors .. I am posting this blog post along with few pictures !!