Invisibility & Anonymity Of Love !!

In memory of my love  – Love that knows no bounds !!

The mind that is not baffled is not employed.

The impeded stream is the one that sings 

                                                                                                  – Wendell Berry


No matter how many friends she is surrounded with,

she always creates a number of concentric circles around her.

She always have something to hide.

She will definitely have some space for her

where no one is allowed to enter.

That’s the place where magic begins !!

A place where she is all alone, where she thinks and decides her next move.

Who on earth can guess what is that she is hiding behind her long hair;

why she prefers this shade of darkness; and

what is that makes her so different from the rest.

There exist a trust deficit, let’s face it!

There are challenges,

but she knows it very well how to handle it 

and convert every challenge into opportunity !!

Her mind travels from Goldilocks zone to the New Horizon Mission,

from Kuiper belt to the recent discovery of Big Bang theory,

It will certainly rest for a while and then will move to some important social issues

which is not very often talked about, something that needs courage and clarity,


A voracious reader and thinks too much without making things dull..

The problem she might face would be the problem of abundance

and the over burden of experience  that often gets transferred

from the past to her present .

Will always pray for her well being , and success,

because like every single soul, she deserve her share of love, care, and happiness.

If love exist then my prayers will reach and touch her soul someday.

Almighty cannot be so cruel !!!

Loads of Love and respect for her,

Beparvah  @ Anantnag (J&K)

P.S. Ignore my mistakes in the strokes that I made while shading .. Not  a painter, just trying to express myself through this medium. Learning and growing because of her love which has no bounds !!

No More Tears; I Will Try That For Her Sake !!

Don’t shed tears for your loved ones even if you realize that you are taken for granted; because your pain, agony and anger in the form of tears might have a bad impact on your loved ones, either directly or indirectly. 

If you realize that your love for your loved ones is non negotiable; if you believe that your spirit is unamputated and your feelings for that special person is undying then, please don’t shed tears despite all the hatred you receive …

All we have is “One Life”, be the reason someone smiles. Be the reason someone feels loved & believes in the goodness in people.

Respect the love you possess for your loved ones. It doesn’t matter if that love is not shared… what matters is whether you can endure the atrocity of love or not? I asked this question every time even after two and half years have passed. I believe that I can endure this pain for the rest of my life waiting for her to come back !! 

I have drawn several portraits of her but here I can only share those which will speak volumes of mixed emotions …

I am reminded of a small poem written by Santosh Anand, of the best poets in India in Hindi language who was nominated and recognized by the entire cultural fraternity for his phenomenal contribution …

 “Ghar phoonk diya humne,

Ab rakh uthani hain..

Tum sath na do mera,

Chalna mujhe aata hain,

Har aag se vakif hoon,

Jalna mujhe aata hain..”

Badal hain ye kuch pal ka, cha kar dhal jana hain, … If this is life is all about then we all must be optimistic always.. Isn’t it ?

Kuch pa kar khona aur kuch kho kar pana hain, jeevan ka matlab to aana aur jaana hain!!

I think such lines speaks volumes of sacrifices in love that one can imagine… because I believe both these words “love” and”sacrifice” goes hand in hand !!

I will always be praying for her happiness, health, smile and success .. wherever I will be..

With loads of love and respect ….. Beparvah !!

Opportunity and Opposition !!

It’s been three years since I lost the most important person of my life. She was all I was lived for. She taught me so many things except the art of living without her.

She always used to motivate me, she used to prepare me all the possible challenges because she believed that “opportunity never comes with an advance notice..”

It was proved again when few weeks back I got an invitation for the RSS Nationalist Assembly Meeting, in the famous Indira Bhawan in New Delhi.

The first thought that came to my mind was that why me? 

I am neither into politics nor into RSS.. But I was sure that it was not by mistake and I must prepare for something unexpected..

Then within an hour or two I got a call from the RSS National Assembly chairperson and Joint General secretary Mr. Dattatreya Hosabale.

He clarified that  the agenda of the meeting before hand & I was requested to give my insights in the form of a speech before the eminent gathering and other top speakers who belong to various fields such as public servants, architects, doctors, journalists & political party members etc. particularly from New Delhi !!

This was the folder that I was given while I was addressing the august house. The issue was  the poor condition of the state of West Bengal and the appeasement policy of the govt. I knew that such an opportunity might not come again so I wasn’t hesitant to ask about the aggressive character of  RSS. Issues from gau rakshaks to romeo policing, to the anti secular colour that is often attached to the color of saffron and what are the steps sangh pariwaar is thinking about rectifying there basic tenets !! 

Some of them whom I personally met and received appreciation were Mr. Swapan Dasguputa, Mr. Chadan Sen, Mr. Anand Mukherjee, Mr. F.Y. Qureshi, Mr. Sambit Patra, Mr. Vivek Katju and several others.

Standing I front of Indira Bhawan, a day before the Assembly Meet with Rahul (CSE 2015, IRTS) & Namit (writer at Indian express, & The Hindu, law school fellow).

My maa used to say that – Let life come the way it is. Someday it will define the reason Why. If they leave, let them. The part is over and now let someone enter, not to replace the place but to heal in a different way…

After I lost my maa, I was even scared of crying; controlled it for over a year or so; I was breaking into pieces from deep inside. Life was meaningless for me. I knew that I still have my father, my elder sister to look upto, yet I was not able to continue living.

In such a situation I met my love, the girl who became my best friend, teacher and literally everything… hence I am blessed by almighty and their messenger in her form..

Loads of love and respect for her. I know I might sound stupid; many of my friends even suggested so many pragmatic solutions but honestly, all those solutions are based on proving my worth .. and all I know is that, all my potential & worthiness was carved out by her effort especially when I was in shambles ; it was she who pulled me out from that darkness of life… so I don’t need to prove anything to her. I believe she knows it all. I can only pray that someday, sooner or later she would realize this love which will be there for the rest of my life.

Loads of wishes and prayers for her Beparvah!!

P.S. The idea of this post was not to highlight some prominent names but to point out anther angle of democracy that sangh pariwaar has in the upper level at least.  And pls forgive me for my painting if anyone have any issues regarding to its quality.  I am not a painter … so I am at your mercy… !! 

Truth Is Hard But Living Without It Is Harder !!

                           INS VIKRANT is going to be commissioned in 2018. However, I feel so much lucky  to step inside this new killing machine before been taken away to our destined location.

Everything is so much protected and layered that before writing this post, I had to take permission  from our immediate seniors and required precautions…

The journey to the unknown !!

It all began at 3 am in the morning. After 2 hours, we were on the bridge adjacent to a river bridge… the scenic beauty was amazing…

After traveling for hours, we reached to our destination from where we are about to take on to another action plan..

After around 15 hours, I reached to my office if I could call it that. It was one single room with basic furniture…

I began my day at 6 am with my staff and colleges. Loads of plans and discussions took place that morning. It went on for the next 16 hours. There was a kind of silence that prevailed inside the room. Everyone was occupied with their own tasks and corners. All of us were waiting for the correct time to move in.

Just beside our office we have this old age well from where we have managed to fulfill our daily water demands. There were many attempts to contaminate this source of water with chemicals but all went in vain. Thanks to the locals… We really appreciate your support!!

This was the entrance of our first target.I took this picture after our first success. I remember each and every step we took that night during the initial 25 minutes of raid. It was an amazing experience. No arrest, but this place was sealed !!

Before we could move in to our next task, I met these two girls whom we have rescued few days back. They came to my office to bid me a special goodbye. The girl in the blue is Khushi and the one in the green is Salma.

They have a big heart and agreed to give me their most adorable pets, although it was difficult for me to take them along with me but I was really happy to see this gesture expressing love!!

              We had an awesome afternoon with some story telling sessions, chips and cookies etc. While this fun session was in process, they were having some fruiti!!

It was a bottle full of yummy mango juice which they were sharing. Salma was not able to hold the bottle alone without a direct contact (jhuta). But she was hesitant as she was not sure whether she would be able to handle it.

In such a situation, khushi insisted her to have it directly and then they shared it. Their idea was not to waste a single drop of that yummy juice. I draw another lesson from this act and prayed to the almighty that such gesture may percolate very soon among the masses which will have a deep positive impact on our society..

I believe that we all are gifted and blessed with something which makes us special and different from the rest!! The greatest challenge is to identify that. The charm I found in the action shown by these two girls,Khushi and Salma, was really vital from where I could build a link with the locals.

Reading this book  in between my working hours. Analysis of what went wrong and why; this self introspection is a test of character which very few people can make it.

When we used to attend Mrs Bedi’s Cr. P.C (criminal procedure code) classes during my university days, I always used to ask some additional questions based on her lectures so that I can learn a topic clearly from her without any reasonable doubt.

Now when I met her after getting into the services, what I have realized is that, she never took the easy path in life. She never bluffed and always knew what the right path was as we all know but we don’t take that path because it is so damn hard and that makes the difference between Kiran Bedi and the rest of us.

Last time when I got the opportunity to speak with her, she told me one thing before joining and that being,  I must create a link with whom I am about to serve .. that must be very clear I my mind . She was also very much concerned with the issues of girl child in general and adolescent girls in particular with respect to health and education, their free movement, inter personal skills and comfortness etc.

Keeping this in mind and the spirit shown by Khushi and Salma, we have organized another initiative.

This was also an interactive session with the local kids where apart from quiz and other fun activities, we engaged them into some serious discussions along with their parents. 

The issues were ranging from health, nutrition, education, sanitation and so on . There, I was able to prove to the male kids and parents especially the fathers about the  problem and stress faced by their adolescent daughters  during their growth and the issue they face with !!

I have read it somewhere that if we educate a man we educate one man but if we educate a woman, we educate a generation. Based on this, we had a long group discussion.

Another aspect to this issue added my college friend  Kamayani Mishra who suggested to focus of postures and the importance of having chairs while reading or anything of that sort.

She was emphasizing on the the need for chairs and tables focusing on the problems of sitting on the ground especially during periods. Due to some changes in lifestyle these days, the age of puberty has been fluctuating with no specificity. This had been an hindrance in their growth..

Keeping this in mind we thought of arranging tables and chairs with proper washroom facilities for these kids where they are allowed to come and read thrice a week in the afternoon.

Kamayani works in a law firm in Delhi, often saves some money so that she can contribute .. on a monthly basis she often provides 3000 rupees..

She was even asking me to buy something for these kids especially during the winters .Neither she requires any recognition nor any things in return.. but what I wanted to point out here is that, there are so many people out here amongst us who are silently committed to some cause… for whom this society is surviving the extreme and varied form of oddities!! 

Loads of love and respect to my love; all my prayers & wishes for her health, smiles, success and happiness..


Thank You For Being There In My Life, Even If It Was For A Flash !!

We often read posts written by people dedicating to someone’s birthday.. but it becomes really tough for people like me who haven’t celebrated his own birthday in the last say 4 to 5 years, writing one such and that to in disguise !!

People often have that liberty to express their wishes and love for their loved ones but there are people who don’t enjoy that luxury. Being a part of the second group, I would like to write a birthday post along with some pictures & prayers, expressing all my wishes for her!!

On her birthday, I would like to write few lines for her straight from my heart. Look at the picture, not the quality (as I’m not a painter per se) but the depth of the jungle, the dense and stratified environment .. It is very much similar to her character. Her thoughts as very deep as the dense forest, she knows her priorities and place them in a stratified/ layered way, calm, serene and yet possess a reservoir of potential energy. 

When she is into something, she is completely into it, those are the very few moments where you can witness her wildness, her passion for her work yet maintaining a balance with the blend of realism. Her plans have never been impractical. It might be difficult but as she often used to say that, “it seems always impossible unless you get it “.

From this picture I have tried to express another quality that makes her very different from the rest, and that being her attitude towards life. Her approach to life. She loves to find her own ways, walk on her chosen path, independent with the clarity of how it is different from being the concocted concept of the so called liberalism. She always wanted to sit on the driver’s seat when it comes to her life and steered it through all the difficulties which one might face while achieving dreams. She is fearless, and sharpen herself, her mind, brain through asking relevant questions; at times too much practical but always for a greater good!!

She loves nature and always believed that our day’s schedule followed the rhythm of the rising and seeing of the sun and now she must have added sea waves too. 

The sound was a constant presence in our lives.I am sure that wherever she is now, she would have found a tree that is great with age, where birds dwell and go busily about their day with a new dawn, whose leaves waves gently to her I the morning breeze. 

I was here in the morning praying for my loved ones and certainly for her well-being, happiness, health and success.   

This post is neither to hurt her nor to showcase my madness..  This post is only to express my love for her which will always be there .. this divinity will be there all around her in many forms, and would be showering wishes and prayers. No matter where I am or where she is, I will always be there !! 

Loads of love and respect for her… Beparvah!!

P.S. Writing this on the first of April is perhaps the best part of it which actually portrayed one of the best dichotomies of life !!!

Next part would be how I along with my team are trying to work on the lines as I have promised to her years ago, as we used to debate about the alternative solutions to some root problems of the society..

From BB/ Rack/ PO/ ST2560780 

Life Note # 1 

Too much or too little of something

May limit the growth;

The range between too much or too little

Lies the zone of struggle..

This is where life resides so enjoy it fully!

This part of life is the most important

as this will be the first step

towards decoding human behavior, if you

are lacking in some resources then

It will make your journey difficult but it

will never be considered as loss!

A small incident to substantiate !

We have been receiving some information from our sources about the possible criminal activities inside the school premises. Even there were 37 anonymous complaint letters from the district. On visiting the alleged mid day meal provisioned government school.. what we witnessed was something terrible. The situation was very poor.. even the menu was not written, no calculation whatsoever !!

During our inspection we caught hold of a teacher cum staff. We asked him about this sort of mismanagement. He replied politely with one word “sorry sir”.

When we called up the BDO, he came in with some worthless stories and excuses. After the initial enquiry,  we got to about the illegal activities that used to happen in the school campus during the holidays which included some vulgar dance shows The matter was reported to D.M. Sir Mr. P. Kamath!!  By the end of 39 hours or so the main culprits got arrested while they were about to leave the jurisdiction !!

We are talking about these kids, they have nothing except their basic rights, for whom the government has loads of programmes and schemes but it is so unfortunate that things are not going as they should have been….  I and my team after taking permission from our seniors decided to take weekly classes in various schools in our district !!

            None of us are here by chance

Our presence and suitability to our

surroundings, the situations where we

are right now may vary but,

what we cannot deny is that, it reflects

a long drawn struggle for survival !!

What we all need to practice is that, we

need to enhance our carrying capacity

The capacity to sustain any adversity for

indefinite period of time !!

Trust me, it is not a problem to be a part

of a metapopulation !!

A still where I had organised a suit and draw competition and history quiz along with my team & look at the expressions !

Everyone wants to contribute in their own way and make this an awesome place to live in.. all they need is an opportunity !!

Loads of love, wishes, prayers & respect for her…


Sharing A Memory With A Blend Of Few Observations !!

When I woke up today at 4 am.. it was dark outside. I switched on the lights and I saw the world map hanging in my room. From no where, a memory flashed in. I reminded of Mr. Sachin Arora sir’s  geography classes where he used to teach the art of drawing world map without even looking at it and within 2 mins or so. 

I remember those days when I used to struggle to make those maps. I also remember how I used to get help from the girl sitting next to me.. It’s been more than two years that I have been waiting for her, still I believe that I will get at least one day to be with her before I perish; at least one day to have a long conversation, one day to plead guilty, one day to ask for forgiveness for all my insensitivities and poor timings.!!

I know her quest for knowledge is never ending.. so I thought of sharing this piece of information which has a blend of conspiracy, diplomacy, and finally a lesson..- a lesson i.e. “we tend to believe what we see, distortions sometimes become ‘fact'”  which will help her and many of us to take correct & thoughtful decisions in their respective lives.

As the earth is roughly spherical, any drawing of it in a flat piece of paper will certainly involve distortion… this is understandable;if the continent’s shapes are correct, their sizes will be distorted or vice versa. If lower latitudes are close to reality,polar region will be misshapen. There are some 200 ways of projecting this earth which are still in use… All thanks to those gifted cartographers !!

In 1569, the Flemish cartographer Garardus Mercator created what went on to become the most popular projection by far… used every where from school atlases to google maps.. But this has a story; carries a colonial bias!! 

This is the map which I used to draw in less than 2 mins so as to use it in my answers as and when required.

Mercator had intended to chart colonial navigation routes. His projection placed Western Europe at the centre- heart of the colonial world. 

He exaggerated northern hemisphere while diminishing the southern part. 

Now the anti- colonial approach – They were arguing that Mercator’s projection was not intended for navigators because we tend to believe what we see, distortions sometimes become “fact”. They wanted to abandon this colonial impact and now their effort is directed to “decolonise”it. 

Boston had chosen a projection presented in 1974, by Dr. Arno Peters. This is called Gall- Peters protection. 

Look at the difference!!

It busted the wrong impression about the relative size of the continent deliberately !! It busted the European centric bias of Mercator. 

There is a struggle going on for literally everything… and we are in a state of war, believe it or not. Today, people have adopted a pragmatic approach in almost everything. They play their cards based on the fallacy called relativity.. It is true that relativity is a fact but it has certainly percolated complexities. 

There are sacrosanct concepts and aspects of life which must get their dues. People have chosen the easy path of the so called pragmatism, because it needs courage to survive with your emotions intact. What I fear is a serious threat of extinction of human feelings due to lack of emotional connect that we witness these days. Stop believing in this mindless growth & development !!

And what I believe is that everyone should be ready to walk alone because many who started with you, won’t finish with you!! But never forget them; always try to move along with them, try to be with people who were there with you… you don’t have to carry the burden of your past but don’t forget it!!

There is no doubt in my mind that I am missing her very much but I cannot help myself. I belong to that group of where people often believe in protecting all the memories, someone who keeps things alive even  against all hardships…  

I cannot change or convert to the other group which believes in erasing their past as and when they move on in life. 

Hence, it goes without saying that I have prayed here for her well-being, success and happiness!! It’s a new place ( where I am currently shifted for sometime). I hope that wherever she is… she is fine, healthy and happy… she is a born fighter who will fight back any circumstances; and is blessed with some amazing friends who will surely be there for her.. 

With loads of love and respect for her.. Beparvah!! 
P.C. Thanks for the picture Ramesh Kumar.(Sadar, SP) (My teacher, guru and friend) .. both of us were having a discussion about the upcoming challenges in the state where we were about to reach.. 

The Post Truth Era!!

Post truth era .… relating to or denotes specific circumstances in which objective facts are less important or influential than appeals which are driven by sheer emotions and channeled through narrow personal beliefs !!

Be it BREXIT or The TRUMP coming into power; even the re-emmergence of the demand for referendum in Scotland or the The Recent European Commission’s decision in which it granted the liberty to the countries in EU which can make their respective refugee policies as per their own sense of wisdom and precision, they are not bound by the political unionism any more !! 

Emotions as always, got blamed,defamed and used. It is really bad to witness this form of self destruction which involves the misuse of this devine quotient by some of the people who do not possess this essence of divinity!!

This is how I define emotions; it can certainly give that boost to achieve something which might look impossible at the first go..  why cannot emotions be a driving force of creating a social cohesiveness…. instead of spreading xenophobia!!

If we perceive the current world order from micro perspectives then we would realize that everyone of us is actually worried about their destiny.. There is a race going on in which each one of us are trying to change our destiny… but here in this juncture, I would like to mention that one must understand the difference between a fear ridden vision of destiny and they vision that enables us to seek the enemy of fulfillment within ourselves; adversities always presents opportunities for introspection !! 

Here I would like to share my experience where I have realized with time that there is divine power in true love and raw emotions that looks over us, that gently lifts us from sadness and failures, and miseries. This eternal feeling will create a connect amongst people and can lead to wonders!

Life is not easy but finding the best ways to make ends meet is what makes out worth living!! In the many setbacks and defeats that destiny might have planned for me, I’ve always been able to look within for strength.

“I am here to stay” is the only line that comes to my mind every time whenever I find myself in the crossroads.. There is an attitudinal deficit in policy making which is a serious threat!!

Be it the era of liberalism or be it the period of neo protectionism… even in this post truth era… policy makers must resize that honesty will make its way, truth will be established… rationality will prevail  over politics and world order which is in the garb of sheer politics cannot use and defame raw emotions of the people for long !!

Loads of love and respect for her..

Beparvah !!

A Small Message From Anantnag Dist. Hospital !!

Still in district hospital under high monitoring and everyone believes that I can survive and so am I.. Doctor Rasheed even affirmed that there has been some improvements which was the only hope on which most of his juniors were relying on ..  Instead of being in a state of panic I was looking at the sky … waving to moon with a belief that she might be watching this moon  from her place !!


It’s been two years almost but still I feel the same connect if not more ..  I often ask these questions to me as to why and how this is possible ? Is it the “male ego” that is playing its role or something genuine is in the making ? Is is the fact that I’m not able to “accept a rejection” or it is the undying love for someone ? Am I living a “selfish life” or a selfless life ?   Why I feel this connect even after being refused when she said that she need some  time and space?? 

I think this is an undying and selfless love which will only perish along with me and not before.I think this because with every passing moment I have started feeling a kind of divine connect to her soul; a place where there is no place for reciprocity. Whenever I think of her, a star falls from heaven..even the passion of sea for the sand surrenders before this stubborn heart !!


We all have a very limited time here and there’s lot to cover and achieve..we all are in search of our identity rather in making our identity and to experience the feeling of fulfillment in life; I ‘m not an exception to this but she often used to tell me that one shouldn’t become a workaholic because that would create a world full of materials. She had her own definition of success and happiness.. and when it comes to my happiness, I cannot think of anything else but to write something for her…or to post some paintings which she used to love; which used to bring smile on her face because she knew how to appreciate art of any form…


A small effort to erase all the mistakes I might have committed inadvertently; which are driven by strong emotions and the fear of losing a good friend at the first place.. I drew it way before this encounter as I was making a collage for her upcoming birthday !!


These fallen leaves speaks volumes of memories, they speaks about those thousand moments of joy and happiness they had experienced when they used to be the part of the main parent tree.. Now they are no longer required..they are no longer attached.. From being a stranger to a friend and then back to become a stranger was a very difficult journey.. I know what it feels to become someone’s past.. it is really very painful; this pain is unbearable compare to the injuries I am carrying now .. but as I have realized that this is the ONLY NATURAL COURSE OF LIFE .. this cycle will go on… I have no regrets and will be carrying this pain because I cannot lose this divine feeling of love !!

I cannot afford to ignore her role in my life … she is everything to me and will remain one !! I don’t wanna let her go through any more pain in the years to come ..prayers and blessings will always be there for her… hope the day would come soon when my posts will reach to her someday !!

Loads of love and respect for her..
Beparvah !!

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