Walking On The Promise.. & Thanking Life  !!

Time never gives opportunity to anyone..it depends on us as to how we understand & appreciate the moments without taking things for granted.. Time certainly gives us lessons… it teaches us many things but again..it depends upon the capacity of the receptor… unlike gravity, which is certainly a better teacher than time. It keeps us grounded… 

I never got the opportunity to thank my mother when she was alive..whatever she used to do, I thought I deserved it all. Its not that I never valued what I got but it was more like being ignorant about the fact that how lucky I was. 

But I would not like to make this mistake again. I would like to thank the almighty to bless me with a strong father- who has taken up the challenge and with time  he is only getting stronger.. and stronger…

All he has been doing is to support me unconditionally even after such a big loss of losing his better half at the age of 70. Time has taught me something serious which I cherish today. Here at Nagaland, living here all alone in my district I miss him a lot. 

Since evening after coming back from office, I literally fail to hold my tears very often. The pain of being alone is terrible..I hope and pray that no-one should go through this… it’s easy to write about it and extremely difficult to practice.. it requires some amount of maturity to appreciate the importance of a company. 

Dad.. no one ask me here as to whether I want tea or coffee every morning unlike what you used to prepare every day so many times so that it gives me that adrenalin rush…. with your special tulsi tea … which used to help me in long study sessions.. 

Not a single day I saw him resting without performing something which he was not supposed to do but he took those as his own responsibilities… 

Every morning he would get these flowers from our garden and would place before my mother’s picture.. not even for a single day I saw that being missed.. 

The constant support ,  the unending effort comes out of unconditional love which is precious than anything else. It does not really matter what we are getting in return..

This is what I have seen throughout my childhood and adolescence … and I’m blessed that I could percolate the same so far..

It is true that I do miss human touch… here. Staying all alone with work and seniors dealing with some serious issues that will be going to touch lives directly.. since my last visit to Delhi.. I ‘ve not met any of my friends…although they keep on tagging me on Facebook..

Sometimes I do find some generous and kind soul… who sends blessings I the form of sudden gifts all the way from Bangalore so as to bring some smile .. thank you so much Itisha and Isha.. I’ve no words..

Every day when I saw my uniform laying on my bed…I feel the sacrifice worth it. I feel lucky to chosen by almighty.. for giving me this opportunity to work for his own creations… 

There are people for whom you matter so much and to balance that the almighty also had created someone who will make you believe that no matter how people love you.. they give a damn. This is nature.. just an act of balancing… accept it and remain honesty and loyal !!

This I made out of a chalk with the help of few pencils.. it was surely an accident as I had no plans of making this out of a chalk .. I was just finding something inside it and kept trying … never chase anything especially those what you want.. just keep trying, continue your efforts, be honest and loyal… things will fall in line..

In this respect I would like to make an announcement that way back in 2015-16, I have decided to publish a book simplifying the IAS preparation while preparing …. it was, to be honest not my idea.. it was given to me by the girl whom I loved and I still do.. she used to say that we should jointly start a book.. but as some miscommunication seeps into our relationship (much fault I presume) that even I lost the friend in her.. it’s true that I lost all connection with her since past two and a half years but that shouldn’t stop me from the pact we had, I should respect her plans whom I loved and respected a lot .. hence, it’s my honour to announce that from next weekend onwards I will be covering the entire syllabus of general studies with notes… completely cover the entire 44 NCERT BOOKS from class VI – XII apart from few basic books.. anyone can rely on those notes..I used it during my preparation… two successive times… 

P.S. I will be posting my next post about the three nominations I received from three beautiful blogger friends of mine.. I’m sorry for the delay… I’ve thought that last post to be my final one but it’s really difficult to keep myself away from word press..

With loads of love & respect for her Beparvah!!



A New Chapter !!

New experience is about to begin..

But whether it’s exactly new or a continuous process, is a difficult question to answer.. 

The time frame we are given is limited, the number of failures around us will always be more than the number of achievers, so the picture around us might look gloomy but in reality, the surrounding depends upon how we look at things…


He is an achiever because he could finally managed to feed his little sister for the day. For him sense of security, privacy is a luxury, if at all he is aware of these concepts.. They are my source of inspiration!!

Isha (right) believes her to be an achiever … as she finally manage to carry the saari, she sent this picture to me to express her gratitude and happiness as she wore my mother’s saari which she gave her when she was alive.. 

I felt something when I got to meet these young guns today !! They are full of innocence, dreams and aspirations… if I could help them to reach to their respective goals, I would surely feel that awesome moment… 

Thank so much Deepti for organizing that very special welcome.. seldom I feel myself to be so important … today was one of those days.. Thank you once again for making it more special!!

As I came to Calcutta almost a week back only for a couple of days . I was surprised by the achievements of my father..  I do not stay here in Calcutta these days..So my computer system was not properly maintained.. but as I reached here, my father sent me this picture in whatsapp as he fixed it all his own for me and said that he is taking care of my stuff.. so that I do not get into  any trouble whenever I come back.. .He is 72… my father!! I will miss you baba… Will miss this love here… I am writing this so as to make it clear that you are my hero.. You have taken up the responsibility of both maa n baba.. since she expired..!!

I will miss you Brunoo… n my dearest Rosy.. because you two have always understood my tears, mood.. you two have treated me every time with love no matter I fail or succeed !!

Though they cannot speak the way we do, but whatever they do is genuine …They do not manipulate like humans do .

Loads of love…and respect for her… I may sound foolish but I believe that if you constantly pray for someone’s happiness without asking anything in return.. then almighty will keep that person happy… which I really wanna see..

I don’t know whether I would be able to write again or not… but if I stop for some reason then that will not stop my prayers… and not limit my feelings to perish… it will always be there and if something exist which on which we all have faith, must approve it.. !! 



After A Long Time… Gathering Love & Emotions !!!

“​It’s not that difficult to bring smile on to someone’s face..All you need is a little time… And we can make anybody and everybody happy.. It doesn’t demand money to do this” – 

Had a two day visit in the Capital before diving into the pool of work with no non sense approach to life…. 

Meeting friends may be for the last time was difficult but I kept that with myself so that I could enjoy most of the quality time with these goldmines that I have in my life !!

My trip began with kanika and Fatima… it was a pleasant surprise.. Fatima came to India for meeting friends from Boston but she never thought that she would be able to see me… 

On the other side. Even I was about to meet my friends… but never thought of meeting Fatima… May be, even God wanted this to happen before we walk towads our respective goals.. 

This was her reaction when I appeared suddenly to take my share of chocolates she bought from United States…

Aditya was as happy as I was… even his mother was of the view that I am still in Kashmir, but she was not aware of the fact that I came here to meet them as I had to come to Delhi for my medical check up anyway… When I sent this picture to Aditya’s mom… she was excited and surprised at the same time.. after meeting Aditya, I met many others including Dhruv, Divye, Rajat, Srivats, Arjun, Udayan, Pragya, and kamayani(All practicing @ Supreme Court for the last four years)..

Ended my trip with meeting Isha, The meeting was planned at the end as she was having her PhD examination in ILI ( INDIAN LAW INSTITUTE )… and it would not be possible to come to Delhi and going without meeting her especially when she was able to visit me to Kashmir..

I don’t know when I will meet them again but I have collected loads of memories which will be enough for me to continue my journey.. towards my goal ..

Just before leaving Delhi…I met my Guru.. Prof. KM Pathi, which was also not planned… but I feel blessed.. had a wonderful time you sir especially after the “Himmat” project.. 

It’s my humble request to all, especially to all those Indian women who has to travel a lot all alone… it’s not a distress app… pls read about himmat app … which will certainly add your confidence and a sense of security while traveling.. a lot of hard work has been there to ensure security of our women and all those women who travel in India alone…

It was a lovely and memorable meeting.. Thank you so much sir for arranging this meeting with such a short notice and taking out time from your busy schedule… A lot is left… one hour was not enough especially when meeting you after so many years… would be meeting you soon….sir.

Okay !! Okay Harsh enough of your posts.. and poses… tired of clicking pictures…N/E is really disturbed and we have got a lot of work… let’s dive into the sea soon darling..

Finally, I would like to mention that my feelings for my first love is not going to end and will remain forever deep within me..I believe honesty and undying love have stored something for me. My prayers and wishes will always be their with her no matter wherever she is!!
Loads of love and respect for her…

Beparvah !!!


No Beparvah.. It’s Me… Harsh!!

Hello friends..

This is my first post on this blog which belongs to my friend who is known by the name Beparvah… 

My name is Harsh Aggarwalla, serving under the GoI. Policing has what pulled us towards each other even more. However, I knew him even before our interview…

Before writing this post I was reading this blog. I got to know about the core and background of this endeavor i.e. his unrequited love … which turned him weak initially but later he started gaining all the strength out of this platonic and devine love…  this was all the crux I found after reading most of his posts…

I have not seen an idiot like him… to be honest… he is a guy who is always on a roll to contribute without even thinking about his own good even for a second.  I am not here to describe his goodness here but I would certainly miss him if something might have happened to him in the last attack he survived that occurred last to last week…

Most of us even envy him for having this selfless character but we cannot do anything about it. I cannot become like him.. because somewhere down the line I will be selfish…  I know about his entire love story which was nipped into the bud even well before it got started… I know that beautiful girl … (not personally but through his blog and diary ; not with his permission, that goes without saying)

I just wanna tell you girl if you are reading this post.. that you did the best possible thing to him.. he wasn’t up to your level of expectation and didn’t even have enough to reciprocate apart from an undying love for you.. leaving such a soul is the best way to survive … I wish I could do the same like you.

I have seen him climbing to the top, fighting his own emotional instability , I have faced his restlessness… his undying hunger… he had changed… 

From a nice gentleman who used to be a popular guy in the academy with his witty comments and sense of humour …to a roaring tiger…. all thanks to you dear girl.. you have curved and shaped him to this extent… that even death often takes another route when it encounter him in between…

Often rejection breaks down people and they move on to someone else with a pragmatic approach … as if like going to a shopping mall.. liked a dress very much but couldn’t find a proper size so get diverted to another product…. but this idiot will wait for that product to be produced again which will be a complete match..

This idiot will always be there for you , praying for you in probably all the mandir and masjid here in Kashmir.. and treaty of India as and when he gets transferred..

I can only wish and pray to god for both of you… that may honesty, loyalty and light sustain forever in this divine relationship… wherever the destination is, time will solve this “gutthi”  only concern is that no one must get harmed.. wishes to both ..

Not at all sorry for abusing you, posting your picture without your consent, you bald headed brilliant… get some thing for yourself.. dude.. its your life too… I know this would be my last post… as you wouldn’t allow me further… taking the advantage of your stay in hospital… come back soon…  we all miss you especially the doctor from our own city Varanasi !!😍

 With love…. 



Transformation Requires Time & Little Bit Of Space!!


They who eat the fruit of their labor, 

recognize the right way.

 Consciousness of defeat often gives

birth to a new awakening !! 

  Every transformation depends on how you perceive

                things and  situations around.

            She once asked me add to why I am taking so much pressure while taking the IAS examination, especially when I was so serious before my prelims.. I was fighting cancer.. it was easy to win over it not only because it was at the nascent stage but also the willingness to leave a mark of presence…

Every challenge in life is like a situation where a charging bison will be in front of you.. starring in front of you; starring fierce, threatening you… so it’s better to take it head on head, that’s what we all are born for… !!

Loads of love and respect for my love.. it’s been three years almost.. missing you a lot; every moment…..Please take good care of yourself… you’re always in prayers and wishes ….

P.C. Thank you Isha for that visit in the academy and clicking so many pictures in the gym… Posting it after a long time on request ! 

P.S. Thank you K. M. PATHI sir for being a constant motivator… a real guru who taught me so many things !!!! Congratulations to you sir for the latest success in HIMMAT report!! 


Meeting Some Beautiful Souls… & Remembering One Lovely Soul !!!

I don’t know why all good things are wild and free….. I don’t know why they often goes unrequited and unrecognized… May be that’s where the beauty lies;_that’s how each and every incomplete part are always special, they occupy a special part in our heart !! 

I don’t know why am I still surviving the pain,  fighting to borrow some more time from the almighty…. Getting threatening calls has become all the more funny these days….. why I don’t know..  May be a little more practice is required on their part !!

At every stage of my life I took many decisions for myself and today when I introspect I don’t find any reason as to why I took those decisions.. 

I chose law but not advocacy as my profession; chose policing knowing my physical strengt which is not yoyo the mark, something which has just  recovered from the initial cancer stage; loved a girl for whom I am nothing but a stubborn creature; still believe that if love exist, it will find its way to her soul someday and so on.. the list is long!!
Introspecting today not because all those steps and decisions have proved to be wrong but some of them has certainly lost its charm, its reason for existence.. which poses a threat to my life and happiness!!

It was the last painting I did for my love but couldn’t share because of many things that happened in between in Kashmir …

In the hospital, I had enough time to think about these dark aspects of life which are not addressed properly… 

It’s a thought which provoked me… in a way that it forced me to connect the dots of all my actions both taken and those in the panel … to get a purposive aspect of it so that I should not repeat the line that ” I don’t know” . So that I should not regret.

In between something happened when Isha came to meet me; she heard about me from one of my colleagues.. and also from few local news papers…

She came all the way from Mumbai to Kashmir.. wearing black long coat and mufflers…  with some prasad for me… hoping that it will help me to regain my senses…


Thank you for coming so far just to get a confirmation that I am alive .. it made me feel really important, something which I seldom feel.  Fortunate to be blessed with such a friend… The feeling of being an unwanted person is little painful.. she came to free me from the clutches of such negativity…

After few days, she left for Mumbai but the texts didn’t stop.. and before she left, she put that ear plug into my pocket which she knew that I got it from my love.. she knew how important it is for me…. she also respect my love… I presume!!

Today she would be happy that I will be discharged soon in the evening …

When it comes to love, I would like to share one small story.. it’s a story of Arshaad … his family was recused last to last week from the cross firing. His mother was the only constant visitor in my hospital.. Today Arshaad came and gifted me something that he made it for me… he calls it “Amanbadhak” which will destroy this anarchy, hatred and flourish love and peace…

I really feel blessed… I found that love which I was looking for in a didn’t form… its the love of my countrymen.. these blessings are genuine.. I wanna thank the almighty for giving me this opportunity to serve… and to make my love proud..to be awesome by serving is what she believes so.. I am walking on the same path .. 

If life exist in its real form then it’s purpose is to impact other’s life in a positive way… By hurting you will not gain anything… 

A small dedication to my love whom I lost almost three years back but still I believe that one day she may realize and come back.. I will be waiting all my life… Loads of prayers and wishes… 
Loads of love and respect for her   Beparvah !!


Happy Birthday To Didi, Dad & All My Little Sisters.. Celebrating In A Different Way !!!

It’s going to be a beautiful day

Prayers have begun for all my dears Taurusians 🙂 🙂

Every year this period from April – June brings so much joy

in my life… So many birthdays celebrations of some beautiful people

All my loved ones. A gift to all those beautiful souls , May god bless them !!!


I often used to think that

my childhood would have been incomplete

and imperfect without my elder sister. Sisters

 have the patience of a monk and are more beautiful

from within. After my mother demise, there was a vacuum

in my life.  I was all alone and that’s when I realized or I should

say that I was made to realize the importance of having a family, a sister..

I always wanted a  little sister: they are one like  angels .

A treasure box in which the most  precious  memories of childhood can be

stored and preserved for a lifetime. They will taunt you, pinch you, scowl at

you or trouble you. But at the end of the day she will always love you unconditionally   

Many happy returns

of the day Didi (more of a guardian angel),

My dad (the fighter) and all the little sisters reading this.  

Loads of love and wishes from this stubborn and self imposed  brother.


Though I am not good with the brush and colours

but nevertheless tried my best to bring out something out of nothing..


I still remember the last time

when I celebrated the joint birthday

party of my elder sister and my dad., the two

Taurusians whom I often look up to whenever I feel defeated..

They always used to say that

wining is everything!! I remember last time

I gifted a mobile phone to my sister and a wooden high

necked chair for my 72 year old dad. I thought that he would be

able to use this to the maximum because he used to spend hours while

reading eight newspapers daily: they were his best friends from the very early age !!

The best part was that after having lunch

I quickly went back to my coaching class where

the classes was going on. It was such a happening

day… Wish I could re- live those amazing days at  least once !!


But this time I couldn’t even send flowers for them. However, this time I got a gift instead…A smart watch” along with a note from my father which says that “be a little smarter than this smart watch and the easiest way to become one is to remain humane. Use this but don’t get used to it because it has a potential threat  to create distances and space where people often manipulate ”  

Harsh Vardhan Agarwal 20170428_214113

As we all know that state of Jammu and

Kashmir is going through a tough time.. especially

the youth irrespective of gender, class  caste and so on ..

Stone pelting returned to haunt the Valley as a mob

was seen hurling stones and bricks at police and army

personnel near the site of the terror attack in Kupwara.

Its been a tremendous experience that we

were gaining. Being in my first eight month district

training it was little tough to handle. Though we have

managed to maintain the sanity in this group picture!!



Until last week when we encountered the force from the front. It was a big time challenge. People are disillusioned.. all what they need is a helping hand and that should not come along with any conditions where the demand of POST 1953 status quo should not be a part at all.

Let’s pray for peace and harmony …let wisdom play its role… let’s have a vision instead of having only eyes…let’s make this place worth living. Let’s be ready to sacrifice for a greater good. My deep and sincere empathy for the common people here in the valley and the injured army and police men  . Let’s not get swayed by the fact that few ISIS flags were seen in the valley in the recent times .. lets join hands.. and save humanity !!

Loads of love and respect for her.. wishes and blessing for you as always

Beparvah !! @Anantnag 

P.S. Thank you Aditya and Harsh for presenting this blog post for me .. Will be indebted to you two. You kept your promise and maintained this especial day worth remembering !!

Wish I could share this post with my family; it will serve no purpose but hurt them instead.,,, hence it is better to keep them in loop.  But I believe that my prayers will reach to them and my love and wishes will reach to all my little sisters !!!